• order my thoughts (because I’m always bubbling away about something or other)
• share some tips and tricks
• get feedback from people
• practice my writing

So far it’s worked pretty well. I’ve been pleased with the discipline of it, I’ve had some thought provoking contributions and it’s honed my style and message a little. It also gave me the confidence to start on a book. Something which still feels pretty unreal. However, I’ve hit a bit of a block. I feel there is a blog post I need to write before I can start more fully on the book and yet the book will demand more of my time and may stop the blog (something I don’t want to do). I think it’s because I tend to write so personally that I’m unsure of whether I can pour myself in to the two projects simultaneously.

Now the odd thing is that I’ve been able to write guest posts for other people easily enough. (You can see my latest, over at Thinking About Learning.) These generally come about when someone whose writing I like has space on their blog and offers it out. I rush at the chance to write for a slightly different audience and the rest as they say is history.

So this is where you come in my friends, normally I challenge you, the readers, to consider what i have written and use it in your own life. This time I’d like you to challenge me. Please set me a topic via the comments and I will produce a short blog on it. I may write or I may take a picture (not least as I’m off to a great event about “Art in Business” next week), but rest assured I will take every topic and give you my slant on it, either personally or from a coaching angle.

Over to you world!

Firstly, as a coach I spend quite a bit of time with people who do believe that fate, destiny, (call it what you will) has been running their lives. If it’s not a belief in a higher power as such then it will often be that they believe their actions thus far are the only measure of what they will ever be, that they cannot possibly be in control of their lives. Many of these people have given power to partners, friends, parents, bosses and then feel completely unable to take back control. Now bearing in mind that I coach with a style that believes the client has all the answers within them, (and we just need to elicit that), well I guess you can see how that might be a problem. How do I deal with that? Well often it requires people to see themselves as others see them, to hold up a mirror. There is another way too. In the movie, our hero Matt Damon catches a glimpse of these guardians at work and is amazed by what he sees. The same can happen with clients, you need to draw back the curtain, show the hand working the puppets, reveal the magicians tricks so that people can see how it easy it is for others to manipulate them……

That leads me on nicely to my second point. When you’ve shown clients the “reveal” sometimes they then transfer that control to you. Perhaps because you showed them a different way of thinking all your views become right and correct. Now I don’t know about you but I certainly don’t think I’m all-knowing and wise beyond compare. I have seen some people in the world of personal development who are very comfy with this adoration, who want the title of “guru” forgetting it’s most basic meaning as a teacher, nothing more. I think the danger for coaches at this point though is making the coaching about your agenda for the client. After all, you’ve helped them and what harm can a bit of direction do eh? However, coaching should always be about the client’s needs, not your ambitions for them. When I’m tempted to give advice (and there are times) I always declare it as such and make it clear that it’s not an instruction or even the “correct” answer. However in general I try to steer clear of it because I don’t want coaching to be part of some faceless “Adjustment Bureau” that tweaks other people’s lives.

If you’ve got a thought or insight on this post please feel free to comment or come and find me on twitter @projectlibero

It was Socrates who said that “the unexamined life is not worth living” and John certainly examined his life. Many of the mourners spoke of John’s search for meaning and purpose in his own life and helping others in their own quest. I’ve written extensively on the importance of living by one’s values and yet John’s death was still a call to arms for me. To go beyond values and rethink my “purpose”.

Purpose – noun “the reason for which something exists or is done, made,used, etc”.  (Dictionary.com)

I’ve taken a look at Project Libero, the work I’m engaged in – coaching, some facilitation and a dash of mentoring - and what the purpose of that work is.  So far so good but let’s look a little closer (as I did after some probing questions from @approachmarket and @stirthesource - thanks ladies)

1. The website needs an overhaul and I’ve spoken to a great digital artist about sorting out a proper logo to anchor my vision in clearer, more compelling images for you all. (I think you’re going to really like what he’s doing with it).
2. I’ve been alluding to it on twitter and with friends but I can confirm that I have actually started writing the book. I’ve written a chapter thus far, it will definitely need some editing but it’s underway. Wish me luck!
3. I want to work more in the area of people’s health and wellbeing so I’ll be expanding that part of the business. Which is actually much more what I had in mind when I started the business and much closer to my original “purpose”. How easy it is to get sidetracked eh?

So that’s the 3 point plan, but hey, this isn’t all about me, this is about you too. What’s your purpose? What do you want to do? What vision do you have for your life? Oh and remind me again, when will you be making a start on it?

As ever, you can find me here, or @projectlibero or over at www.projectlibero.com if you want to know more.

It had been a good day, some charity work, a little networking and then meeting a friend. A wholly ordinary day to find out my friend had died. That a guy who at one point had been the sole reason I could continue my studies was no longer around to witness my progress.

We met back in 2006 on a course. We found out we lived not far from each other and went out for a drink once in a while between modules. There was a loose gang of us in West London & John was always ready for some socialising, a chance to discuss the material. As we moved to the next level of training my company withdrew their sponsorship. John asked me if I would consider a loan from him so that we could all continue to study together. He said he’d seen a spark in me and he’d been lucky enough in life that he felt able to “pay it forward” and help me kindle that weak flame. He refused to sign a contract, charge interest or set a payment schedule – I guess as a lawyer he’d evaluated his risks – and he said that I was under no obligation to repay him but that he hoped I would.

I did repay him. As I handed him the final cheque I gave him the letter I had written to thank him. He read it, gave me a huge bear hug and wouldn’t let go for about 5 minutes. The next day he handed me a card which explained more of why he had lent the money and how he felt his judgement had been vindicated by two things. Firstly, I had repaid it, secondly he had seen the way I’d blossomed on the course and he could see me developing, he knew his investment had been the enabler. This time it was my turn to hug and not let go.

Why am I telling you all this? To assuage my grief for not being in touch with him at the time of his death? To honour his memory? Honestly, I don’t know. I think I’m just trying to find a way to make sense of it all. I got a call later on from a chap called Tom, the man with the unenviable task of working his way through John’s address book and letting people know. Selfishly I was glad I’d missed the call, it felt like I’d somehow kept John alive a little longer. A foolish vanity I know.

Earlier this week I blogged on price vs value. Although the blog was popular I felt I’d not fully made my point. Little did I know that John would make the point more eloquently than I ever could. He invested in me when I wasn’t sure of my value. There was a specific price to pay but he was willing to gamble all that money on the potential value within me.

Thank you John for that belief in me, for fanning the flames and giving me that chance. I know the money was repaid but I’ll always be in debt to that trust. I’ll miss you.

Firstly, the potential legislation in the USA to stop online piracy.  The debate seems to be about whether all content should be “free” and whether in fact this law would lead to a draconian censorship of free speech. I don’t want to get too deeply in to what is a fascinating power struggle but it strikes me that everyone knows what they are willing to “pay” but aren’t sure what the “value” is to their life. To quote @neilmorrison “If I offered you a free holiday or a free car, you’d expect a catch. Online I offer you free content and you blindly accept.” I offer no conclusion on this other than to ask whether people have truly considered what it costs to have “free” content.

My next example is my bank. I choose to keep my money with them for several reasons, not least of which is the ethical stance they take over investments. It’s true to say that my banking costs slightly more than my friends and the interest rates aren’t quite so good but honestly, it gives me the warm fuzzies to know that what they make from me isn’t being spent on arming dictators and exploiting the developing world. I see that as a fair exchange. I know we can all talk about how bankers have ruined our world but it strikes me that there are a fair few people who lived on credit for things they couldn’t really afford (me included) or bought second houses to rent out. Again, I draw no distinct conclusion but I note that “free” or “cheap” credit did rather blind us to the value of certain investments.

Finally, I’ve recently been talking to David Goddin @changecontinuum following an interesting article on his “People, Performance, Potential” blog about pricing in coaching, a subject obviously dear to my heart. I won’t reprise the discussion here as David covers it much better but it prompted me to tell him a story about an old CEO of mine who was challenged in a “town hall” meeting about the size of his pay packet. He took up the challenge and gave a very interesting answer on his relative worth. The CEO had been hired to deal with a very difficult Public / Private Partnership and was responsible for renegotiating exorbitant contracts. He asked us all to consider when we would feel he had been value for money. Was it when he had saved 10 times his salary during a meeting with a contractor the previous day? Would it be when achieved 50 or 100 times his salary in savings, at no cost to our pay packets and maybe even freeing money for better wages if we could also produce efficiencies. Such a bold answer impressed many of us there and it certainly shifted the debate on dramatically.

Now I’ve been drawing on large examples that many of us can relate to and yet on a micro level we are all facing price vs value decisions daily. The convenience of the supermarket or internet shopping as opposed to traipsing down a high street being the most obvious. However it extends beyond fiscal choices in to such areas as how and where we spend our time. For example the relative worth of friends and family, the necessary compromises of relationships or parenthood, a career in social provision or in private industry. In those areas are you buying on price paid or value extracted? Maybe it’s worth taking a little while to evaluate and balance the books……

On that note, I’m off now to do some pro-bono coaching, I get no money from it, but trust me when I say that it has great value in my life.

As ever, please do get in touch, comment here, @projectlibero on twitter or you can find me at www.projectlibero.com

As I sat down she pulled out a piece of paper, it seemed to have quite a bit of writing on it. Today had obviously been the straw which broke the camel’s back. I readied myself for my telling off. “Now Jon I’d like you to listen to what I say without interruption. Please do not try and formulate a response, just listen and truly hear what I’m about to say to you, it is important that you do this.” I’m thinking it’s going to be the riot act.

She starts, I hear something about “being on a personal journey”, er ok, hang on, so maybe I’m not in that much trouble. Quick Jon, concentrate, damn she’s noticed I’m not listening properly. “Please listen Jon, as I said, there is no response needed”. She starts again and this time I really hear her. She talks about how well I’m learning the information, about how well I’m beginning to apply it with my fellow students. There’s a comment about how I seem to be managing my state and helping others be in a good place to learn. She talks a little of being “present” and then comes the last sentence. “……. you create a curious and playful space for people to feel safe and explore”. It’s like being hit in the stomach but in a good way, I’m almost breathless. Even if I wanted to speak I’m not sure I could. She hands me the piece of paper, smiles and gets up. “We’re due back in 5 minutes so take a little time to just let it sink in” and then she’s gone. As you can imagine, it has a positive effect, not least because I had to listen and “own it” rather than bat it away with a quip or a nonchalant smile.

Why has this come up today, 5 years later? Well I guess in some ways that piece of feedback has been with me ever since that day, not just on the slip of paper I have in front of me but in my heart. That final line about what I could create has sustained me so many times but it’s also reminds me of how important it was to listen that day. I don’t think I’ve ever listened better before or since and its the benchmark for how I try to listen to clients when I coach, to peers when we share ideas. So today I had a meeting with no agenda, no frame, no pre-agreed objective and I didn’t know what best to do. Luckily a conversation with @stirthesource prior to the meeting brought the feedback to mind. So I created a curious space by listening a lot. I feel that I connected with the other attendee on a level of deep understanding, we shared values and beliefs that built a real and honest rapport. All that and a cup of hot chocolate!

Unusually for my blog, there is no call to action today. I just wanted to share what one person can prompt and where that can take you, both at the time and maybe, just when you need it most.

Right now there is a surplus of reviews of 2011 / predictions for 2012 in the media. We seem keen to mark this changing of the year as the pivot on which new things will happen, fitness will be achieved, weight will be lost etc rather than living our lives continuously and mindfully. Please don’t get me wrong I’m not against the idea of a period of reflection or indeed planning what the year will hold but surely we could do that a bit more often rather than getting to the end of year and just ticking it off and saying “better luck next time”. This relates back to my post last week about living by your values. If you look at your recent decisions, how many of them accord with your values? What if you took to routinely planning the future, your to do list or even your work, according to your values? Surely there would be less need to discard outmoded versions of ourselves, to reinvent ourselves for the passing seasons? We could just recycle ourselves, (and in the vein of eco language, surely that is much more sustainable)?

I appreciate the irony that one could view this as “recycling” last weeks message but you know what? It bears repeating. It’s still on my mind and if anything I’m living true to my values by inviting you to live to yours. Let me give you an example, one of my values is about being “open”. Now for me, that means being open to the views of others and open to change. I’ve been chasing a few bits of contract work recently and I had to get some feedback about my approach (because it’s not been going so well if I’m honest). There was a part of me that didn’t want to be told where I was going wrong, I wanted to stick my head in the sand and try to blame others, I wanted to blame the recession, the weather, whatever, just not myself. However, that’s hardly being “open” so I took the feedback I got, I put my hands up and accepted that there were things over which I had control so best I get on with making the changes. Is it all done yet? No. Do I feel better about it all? Yes, because I held firm to my values.

As ever, you can find me here, @projectlibero or over on www.projectlibero.com. Get in touch, tell me what you value and how you will use that to recycle yourself this year.

As you can imagine those few moments have stayed with me. It seems that everywhere I turn in the last couple of days I have been reminded about being true to your values, whether it’s the book I got given for Christmas which has a policeman struggling with a moral dilemma or  me applying for some charity cycling events I want to take part in. Now as the New Year approaches everyone is busily discussing their resolutions and what they intend to start / stop / continue come the 1st of January. Me? I’m going to continue living by what I value. It’s a great filter and so often we get twisted out of shape by living against our values, be it working for a company we don’t like, doing a role we hate or staying friends with someone who drags our energy down.

Finally my call to action for you. Work out what your values are and begin to live by them, bit by bit, day by day and you will find that your life will improve.

*Eckhart Tolle (if you were wondering)

This learning has brought into sharp focus two particular things, particularly from an NLP standpoint (don’t worry, no jargon).

Firstly, the meaning of any communication is the response it elicits. So bearing in mind that you can’t “not communicate” (think how often your body language is more eloquent than anything you could say) it’s amazing how much we can communicate with a limited vocabulary and the magic ingredient of goodwill. Whilst I could go and learn Italian and take lots of time over it, I’m not sure the communication would be any better. Obviously we’d be able to discourse on the state of the world and politics but then, who wants to do that at Christmas?

Secondly, we have all the “resources” we need.  This was going to be a post solely about communication but as I wrote I got to thinking about areas where I want to develop skills. Areas such as blogging, which I never thought I’d make the leap in to until a few weeks ago and the intervention of a fairy godmother. I’m still not sure I have a great ability to write but that hasn’t stopped me and I’ve had some lovely feedback which is starting to change that opinion too. I had that in me all along but never knew until now. Similarly I didn’t realise I had an ability to help create a crazy new language for a few days so who knows what else I may be capable of? As for my clients, well I believe that they have all they need tucked away somewhere inside, it’s my job as their coach to shine a light so that they can find their own answers.

Which brings me finally (and unexpectedly) to a conversation I had last week with someone, thankfully in English and with a clear message. I was in the lucky position of being able to tell someone that they “are enough”, that they were all the things they aspired to be and many more positive things too. The effect on that person was profound and tears were gratefully shed. I’ve never actually met this person face to face and yet we found the way to communicate important truths. So just imagine how powerful it could be to tell the ones you love how much they mean to you, how amazing it would be to end a family feud or more prosaically, find a new way to communicate with colleagues next year.

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.